Newsflash: I SUCK AT LIFE!

I am a shell of a human being. Most humans enjoy other human contact. Me? Apparently I run far far away from it. So what does that make me? A deer in headlights, that's what.

On Saturday, Britt has yet another party. There was beer to be drank, pong to be played, and corndogs to be housed. I arrived fashionably late at around 8 (i'm pretty sure the festivities began around noon). I decided not to get dressed up because it was just going to be the usual people there. So I took a quick shower (didnt even dry my hair so it was a frizzy mess) and threw on a pair of jeans and an ND tee shirt and on my way I went. I played some beer pong and watched as two men humped each other in the back seat of a CR-V then went home on my merry way. Yet another fruitless night out on the town and me coming home to a cold an empty bed. Looks like the streak has no sign of breaking any time soon.

But here's my problem. As you all know, I decided to do something about the snaggle tooth in my mouth and got braces in May. They're definitly manageable because they're only on the bottom and they're clear. (No, their not Invisalign... they're braces that need to be tightened... the kind most people had when they were going through puberty). Come September 6th, however, the tops are going to go on. Yes, these two will be clear, but they will become a lot more noticable than the bottoms. Oh and did I mention the fact that with the addition of the top braces come the dreaded RUBBER BANDS?!?! Hott! So basically this means that I have less than a month to hook a guy before I become permanently and voluntarily ugly. Now those few and far between guys who are somewhat interested will only have to wait long enough until I open my mouth to either smile or talk before they see metal mouth. Seriously, you are going to have to register my mouth as a lethal weapon with all of the wiring that is going to go on. I hope TSA doesnt' give me a hard time when I go through security at the airport because I will have enough material to construct a make shift bomb just by tying a cherry stem into a knot with my mouth (McGuyver style)!

Basically, I've figured out the problem I have with finding guys. Aside from the obvious (my general mannish demeanor, my secretary's ass, oh and my ever expanding beer gut), my problem is is that I'm just down shy around members of the opposite sex. Well, members to which I am attracted. Usually, I cannot muster up the courage to even say hello to a guy. But when I do get some beer confidence, do I go and say "Hi, How are you?" No! I insult them and then resort to physical violence. I truly do not understand what makes me think that repeatedly punching a guy is going to make him think, "man this chick is dating material!" If they wanted to get punched around, all they would have to do is walk around West Baltimore with a wad of cash in their hands and wait to get mugged. Or how about when maybe I meet someone who can take a punch or two and still shows interest. What do I do then? I freeze up and RUN AWAY. And where does this all leave me? Watching Modern Marvels on Saturday nights that's where.

And I ran, I ran so far away,
Anita Mann