Doomed to be Single FOREVER!
Apparently my post from last night is lost somewhere in cyberland. I dont know why it didn't save but i just realized that it's not there. Anyway, I'll try to recreate as best I can.
To answer someone's question, no i'm not running out of things to write about, I've just been to busy to actually sit down and write stuff. I don't have time at work during the day and by the time I get home at night, the couch is calling my name with reruns of 90210 on SoapNet. So the honest answer is that I've just been really lazy lately but I'll try to step it back up.
So my social life has included going to many many weddings and its starting to become a real downer. As happy as I am for my friends, it kind of makes me want to vomit to think about them being happy together for the rest of their lives. Plus, the don't have to worry about when or where their next visit to bone city will be. They just have to roll over and climb on top of their spouse whenever the mood strikes. For us single folk, life is a giant enigma as to when and where the next pickle tickle will come. Plus then you have to worry about that person being clingy or diseased. Which makes it hard for a singal gal to commit to a hook up when she has to worry if the guy with the clap is going to harass her on an ongoing basis.
What's even more embarassing is that I am the person who is screwing up the seating arrangements. As more and more of my friends are attending these weddings with their boyfriends, fiences and husbands it is my single ass that makes the table count 9 instead of a nice round even 10. Obviously, I could bring a date but everyone I ask is conveniently "washing their hair." Now considering it takes boys all of thirty seconds to wash their hair, I'm pretty sure I'm getting blown off for each and every wedding I go to. And I cannot tell you how AWESOME it is when you're at the reception and the DJ puts on 'Lady in Red' and you have no one to dance with. Everyone pairs off with their dates except for Anita Mann: Soup for One, and has to sit at the table on the side completely motified and watch everyone else. You feel like a creepy voyeur.
I guess I missed the 'ring by spring' bandwagon in college because here I am, two years removed and spending my weekends watching everyone else slaying their prey. Even if I met someone tomorrow, a typical time line would tell me that I would have to date them for two years then be engaged for another. That means that I would be almost 28 years old by the time I got married, which isn't a bad age, but all of those wedding I've been going to, yeah those couple's won't be able to come to my marital extravaganza because they'll be too busy potty training their rugrats.
Today it was suggest to me that the best way for me to find a man is to get fake boobs and become anorexic. According to Teets, guys like girls with giant bombs who don't eat. As much as I would love to have a bigger rack, mostly so I could adequately fit into clothes without stuffing my bra, eating is just too much a part of my life to give up. It's a favorite past time and let's be honest, if I don't eat, I get cranky and no guy is going to want to deal with a squirrel with PMS 24/7.
So where does this leave me? Will I be the old woman with cats (and i HATE cats!)? Or will I at least have someone to parade around on my arm like an accessory? Do they do mail order boyfriends?
Party of One,
Anita Mann
To answer someone's question, no i'm not running out of things to write about, I've just been to busy to actually sit down and write stuff. I don't have time at work during the day and by the time I get home at night, the couch is calling my name with reruns of 90210 on SoapNet. So the honest answer is that I've just been really lazy lately but I'll try to step it back up.
So my social life has included going to many many weddings and its starting to become a real downer. As happy as I am for my friends, it kind of makes me want to vomit to think about them being happy together for the rest of their lives. Plus, the don't have to worry about when or where their next visit to bone city will be. They just have to roll over and climb on top of their spouse whenever the mood strikes. For us single folk, life is a giant enigma as to when and where the next pickle tickle will come. Plus then you have to worry about that person being clingy or diseased. Which makes it hard for a singal gal to commit to a hook up when she has to worry if the guy with the clap is going to harass her on an ongoing basis.
What's even more embarassing is that I am the person who is screwing up the seating arrangements. As more and more of my friends are attending these weddings with their boyfriends, fiences and husbands it is my single ass that makes the table count 9 instead of a nice round even 10. Obviously, I could bring a date but everyone I ask is conveniently "washing their hair." Now considering it takes boys all of thirty seconds to wash their hair, I'm pretty sure I'm getting blown off for each and every wedding I go to. And I cannot tell you how AWESOME it is when you're at the reception and the DJ puts on 'Lady in Red' and you have no one to dance with. Everyone pairs off with their dates except for Anita Mann: Soup for One, and has to sit at the table on the side completely motified and watch everyone else. You feel like a creepy voyeur.
I guess I missed the 'ring by spring' bandwagon in college because here I am, two years removed and spending my weekends watching everyone else slaying their prey. Even if I met someone tomorrow, a typical time line would tell me that I would have to date them for two years then be engaged for another. That means that I would be almost 28 years old by the time I got married, which isn't a bad age, but all of those wedding I've been going to, yeah those couple's won't be able to come to my marital extravaganza because they'll be too busy potty training their rugrats.
Today it was suggest to me that the best way for me to find a man is to get fake boobs and become anorexic. According to Teets, guys like girls with giant bombs who don't eat. As much as I would love to have a bigger rack, mostly so I could adequately fit into clothes without stuffing my bra, eating is just too much a part of my life to give up. It's a favorite past time and let's be honest, if I don't eat, I get cranky and no guy is going to want to deal with a squirrel with PMS 24/7.
So where does this leave me? Will I be the old woman with cats (and i HATE cats!)? Or will I at least have someone to parade around on my arm like an accessory? Do they do mail order boyfriends?
Party of One,
Anita Mann
posted by KAKalac @ 2:02 PM
2 Comments:
At 9:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
Everyone seems to get married around this time, I agree, but I have to say that almost everyone I know that is married has a lot less fun. It seems like once that ring goes around their finger, their social life gets thrown in the dumpster. No need to rush into that shit. As for anorexic women, they are disgusting. I'd prefer a more athletic build, and most women with silicone just don't look right. That might be a way to get a quick ride down the block, but no way to travel a long way across the country.
At 7:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
if you fly me out to weddings - i'll be your date.
- Eric (aka Rocko)
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