Blame It On The Rain (Yeah, Yeah)

I think I need to move to Washington and work for the government because those people NEVER have to go to work. They get off every other Friday in the summer for no reason other than the fact that it's friday and they don't want to work. Not to mention the fact that they get off at the slightest threat of incliment weather. Oh no, it may snow an inch tomorrow, better close work. Why don't you politicians do an internship in the frozen tundra of upstate New York one winter and then give me a call. Today, the government is off because of... rain? I mean seriously... rain? Its not like Hurricane Katrina came through and wiped out all of the district. I mean, if Noah can build an arc you can find your way down to the hill. Ok, I know that some roadways are washed out and there was a mudslide on the Beltway this morning, but people, there is more than one road that leads downtown. If the postal service can deliver mail through rain, sleet and dark of night, I'm pretty sure the IRS can process my tax refund. It makes me physically ill to think that because of a little rain our fearless leaders are not solving the world's problems, but instead are sitting home in their Georgetown townhouses watching As The World Turns. Whatever happened to the hard working American who founded this country on labors and toils. I'm pretty sure that if there was a medical emergency and a doctor said he could not come to the hosiptal because of "rain" he would be sued for Medical Malpractice. So to all of you politicians and the liberal media, I say: Next time you want to blame the Republicans for a lack of a quick withdrawal from Iraq or the gas problem or whatever hot topic you want to whine about, do so from your office, not the La-Z-Boy you're sitting in because you don't want to get your new Burberry trench wet!

Ok, in case you cannot tell, I'm a little bitter that I have to work today so now that that rant is done I'll get on with an update on my journey to bone city. This weekend was an educational one for me. On Friday night pretty much my entire office ventured out to the Bay Cafe for happy hour. I was a little taken aback by the $5 cover to get in (what is this, Boat Club?), but was pleasantly surprised by the two for one deal being offered at the bar. When I returned to the bar with my two Coronas, I realized I was the odd person out. Apparently, all of the other girls were drinking things like Rum and Cokes or Malibu Pineapples. While slamming my two coronas (about a quarter of which ended up on my shirt by the way) and loudly arguing in favor of Brett Farve's return to the Packers this season, my former supervisor informed me that double fisting beers and screaming about sports is not going to attract the Lions. Well guess what? I like beer and I like sports and if this means that I look like a middle aged man with a spare tire than so be it. I refuse to act like every other brainless squirrel on the market just to land myself a Lion who thinks it is his business to parade me around on his arm like a trophy. I AM SQUIRREL, HEAR ME ROAR!

Saturday night brough back some old work alums who entertained us with their duck pin bowling skills, dancing and philsophies on "Hat or No Hat?" After a few hours of duckpin bowling and a bottle of Boones for refreshment, we headed out to Fed Hill for some late night dancing. The trifecta was in full effect even though I was not really on the road to bone city. I decided to stop at a rest stop along the way and hang out with some kids visiting from out of town. However, there is some truth in the theory that whenever you're not looking for lovin, lovin' will find you. While dancing by not on a pole at Magerks with Slutbag, this real specimen of a Lion approached and attempted to dance with us. Slutbag became apprehensive and scampered away. Not knowing what I was in for, the Lion then approached me for some butt dancing and i saw it... this was no Lion... this was a weasel in Lion's clothing! He was fat and sweaty with greasy hair and instead of dancing, he girated his body in a relative proximity to mine. Then as I was planning my escape, he began to pet my hair and stroke my head! Now THAT was a big YEEE. People, I know that I use the animal metaphor quite often, but I AM A HUMAN BEING and homo sapiens are not for petting. That is why you have cats, dogs or a fur coat!

Now on to the GSSM tip of the day. Every day I look forward to that hour away from the office when i can eat my lunch and not use my brain. So instead of eating lunch indoors (b/c clearly, I'm not going to find a man at my desk) I should walk around a busy part of town. When possible Lion prey is spotted, sit down in a cafe or on a bench and try to catch his eye. Now, this doesn't sound like a bad idea, except WHO PICKS UP MEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY... according to the Musinator (on friday night, and this is a true statement and is not in the slightest bit fabricated, the Musinator informed me that I would be better off looking for a man once the sun went down and it got dark... thanks for the self esteem boost) I need to wait until its dark out b/c i have no hopes of finding a man in broad daylight. Also, if I were to take this advise I would be sitting in a monsoon looking for all of the other people who enjoy strolling around in a downpour (see above tirate regarding massive amounts of rain falling in the mid atlantic). I'm pretty sure that any Lion would be attracted to a squirrel who looks like a drowned rat... sexy!

I would now like to retract a statement made on last Friday's blog. Sherpa, this is for you! I do not find ALL asians unattractive. There are a select few that do make my blood boil... like that Asian guy on Lost... yeah he's pretty hot. Or my favorite turtle neck wearing, sweaty ND alum. And of course Sherpa!

And now for your viewing pleasure:


While searching for an amusing picture to attach to Jet's birthday card (Happy Birthday Jet and welcome to your mid twenties!) I found this lovely piece of photography genius. I mean... he looks so happy to be swinging on a teeny tiny tire swing. Why Hasselhoff continually agrees to do these ridiculous poses is beyond me. If you google image David Hasselhoff, you'll see what I mean. Now that is one Lion secure in his Lionhood!

Staying dry in charm city,
Anita Mann